This is as real as I can be. These were my thoughts. 0500, I woke up out of my sleep and my mind was wondering. I felt defeated, alone and discouraged. I questioned where or not God was even around, because as much as I wanted and needed him to be, I didn’t feel him.
I didn’t want to hear how I should pray, and I didn’t want to be attacked by another human. I just wanted God, I needed to feel his presence. I didn’t want to be reminded of what God has done..I just wanted my God.
You ever notice how it’s in your moments of defeat and sadness, that we are often reminded of past hurts, pains and irritation. But that’s exactly how its supposed to be. If those thoughts ran through my mind another time, I could easily do away with them. In my moments of praise and thanks, those negative thoughts have no merit. They never stand a chance.
It was 0800, when God received praise. Three ours after I woke up with garbage running through my mind, I could put it away. I knew to read his word, I knew to focus on his goodness. I knew to pray even when it was the last thing i wanted to do. 0800, long after my reason for praise was created, I discovered it.
Its a work in progress. Its not easy but I wouldn’t have it any other way