Its all in your mind

Hundreds of  thoughts are running though my head and every single one of the are validated.The more I entertain the thoughts the deeper I sink. I am walking myself into a depression. And I’m not even thinking negatively…I’m stating my reality. The facts keeping coming, they are coming so fast….

 

between my purse and my bank account, I’d be lucky if I got twenty dollars.

 

The engine light has been on for the past few months

 

I’ve tried every remedy I know and this cough isn’t easing up

 

This is the longest I’ve been without a job

 

I’m really trying to stick this out, but I’m about to lose it

 

I’ve done all i could do..and nothing is happening.

 

 

Every single thought of defeat is coming at me full force. I’m trying to find the light on the bright side…but its dark over there too. And as much as I want to avoid it…I find myself getting upset. I’m having angry thoughts with God. But no, I know better than that. So now, Im getting upset with me. Now everything is all my fault, and even the things I once felt confident about, I doubt.

 

 

I should have never listened to them

 

I was stupid for believing that

 

If I was still with *insert name* I wouldn’t have this issue.

 

I should have never quit that job five years ago

 

I should have never bought those shoes..

 

I should have never…..

 

 

Doubt has turned into defeat, which is turning into depression. And I’m entertaining those thoughts. Im finding my way to my kryptonite. I just want to feel better. I want a release from this reality. No.I’m not gonna get too deep…I just need to feel better, so just this one time…PLEASE JUST THIS ONCE

 

Maybe I’ll have this drink

 

This is will be my last bet ever

 

Maybe I’ll just call him to see how he’s doing

 

I just want to get high again…just once

 

 

And we do, but it never happens just once and we never walk away unscathed. The cycle will continue until we make the ultimate change. When we find ourselves going down that rode, we got to change directions, we have to alter our thoughts.

 

I know it’s not easy and it’s a battle we all fight more often than we may admit. The music we listen to, the tv we watch, the people we surround ourselves all plant seeds in us…and the wrong seeds will harvest the wrong thoughts.

 

What I know for sure, is that when the enemy has no new tricks. So until we learn to recognize tricks, we will always be the victim. And life will be just as it is….God ever left you?

No deliverance is permanent without changing your assocations, your thoughts and your habits- Dale C Bronner

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