‘ one day I will’.
It seemed like we always have something better than to go after than what we want.
I am not sure if this action resulted in something that was taught to me or showed to me as I grew up. But what I do know is that far too often I stopped myself from experiencing simple moments of happiness. I have stopped myself from doing something nice for me.
Even if I had the means, I would seem to talk myself out of it. I would tell myself that maybe I will need the money for something else, or I would question myself as to if I REALLY needed it or not. I realize that I was being unfair and slightly mean to myself. Why am I standing in my own way?
I was shopping in Target recently and I came across a great clearance section full of curtains. I had just told myself within the last week, that I was gonna began to decorate my house and I was going to start by changing the curtains to my living and family rooms.
I began searching and I found a pair that would perfectly compliment the look in my family room. I was soo excited! I had mentioned the desire and just like that, it was met!
It wasn’t before long that those nasty thoughts came upon me. ‘are you sure you can afford these’ ‘ maybe you can find something better at another time’ ‘ do you reealllyyy need these, you can use the money for something else’.
I remembered a line from the previous sermon from Sunday, that fit this moment perfectly. ‘Stop living your life on reserve, many things you desire and want are meant for you to have. Stop standing in your own way’
And in that moment, I smiled. I realized that I could do what I have always done, and succumb to the negative thoughts or I could do what would makes me happy. I realized that everything happened exactly how it was supposed to. I was not about to add this to my ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ list.
I smiled as hung them up. I smile every time I receive a compliment about the curtains. I feel the happiness, even if momentarily, it ushers into my life. I realize that that moment was much bigger than the curtains. For far too long, I allowed doubt, fear and worry get the best of me. And I promised myself that I was no longer I going to stand in the way of what I truly want.