My secret

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Can I be honest? Can I tell you something that I’ve never uttered a word about?
It’s the pain in the pit of my heart, the one that I always knew was there. The pain that masked itself as anger and has finally crept into the openings of my lips. I can’t hide any longer.
I am still hurt. I still feel the pain. The pain I thought I’d overcome, the one I thought was healed. The truth of the matter is that I feel unworthy. I don’t feel as though I am enough. Of all the mantras and positive quotes the cusp of it is that my prayers are still unanswered. My faith has fallen short or maybe I am just not good enough. The heartbreak that lingers is one i always believed would be healed. I kept believing that one day, one day sooner than later, the desires of my heart would be fulfilled. The fasting and praying would have shown the true sacrifice I given. The doing the right thing and holding out for better would have finally paid off and i can now have it all….I would finally be seen as fit in Gods eyes. But time has passed and I figured I must continue to or at least screwed up so bad that the answer to my prayers walks the opposite direction on me. The tears won’t fill the hurt and I am tired of being frustrated about it. But some way somehow i still hold out hope. Hope that one day, it’ll all pay off.

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