What do I do…….?

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This is a good thing…. For first time, I know I deserve better, and I am determined to get it. I want it, I need it and I will receive it. So many times before I stayed I’m places hoping things would miraculously turn around, hoping that he would see me for who I am and wise up. That he would recognize the good woman that stood before him, realize that I am worth changing for… but that never happened. I would stay way to long, hurt way to strong, and he would never look back. The hurts, resentments, regrets, pain and the coulda woulda shoulda would be all mine.
But this time, just maybe, I have the upper hand, I am willing to walk away, I am wiling to take that step and leave and fall back. Yet, I still hold out a gleam of hope, that he would see my resistance, demand to talk things through, and we would…and this time we can come to a mutual understanding. I would love for him to recognize the queen inside of me… I guess old habits do die hard.
So maybe instead of hoping he saves this relationship, I’m gonna save myself. And I know it won’t be easy, I will question myself several times and wonder if it will all be worth it. Long term boughts of loneliness, dateless nights and yearning for love…those thoughts and possible future scenarios will all make this moment seem trivial.
But what do you do…when you know you deserve better, and he won’t give it to you

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